according to my mom.

• asking to bring Pokémon cards to school.
• asking to buy new moon at target.
• being friends with someone whose dad committed suicide.
• not being interested in pharmacy school.
• applying to grad school instead of getting a job.
• not wanting to walk at graduation.
• not focusing on marriage during college.
• having a bf in college.
• living with my college bf over the summer.
• not see an quack herbalist for my acne.
• being fat.
• taking prescription medication.
• eating spicy foods.
• going away from home for college (and subsequently not moving back afterwards)
• going to see my family overseas.
• buying a skirt.
• crying over my dead cat.
• not wanting a big wedding ceremony.
• taking a sabbatical to go back to school.
• being on the computer
• not wanting kids.

not wanting kids was the catalyst for the worst decision of my life. i was cornered. I’ve thrown at her every logical reason in my bank and none was good enough. Not good enough for the life she expected from me. So that was my trump card, a card I’ve held onto for so long, and in the mix of emotions, I had no choice; I was so tired. But as always my expectation was not low enough. I had played my joker and was left stuck with a 3 for the rest of my life. I dreamt of her love, her support, maybe just once in my most vulnerable moment. But all that I got was: how can I do this to her?